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Saturday, November 03, 2018

Did it go from "I Do" to "I Don't Know WHAT To Do"?



Every marriage starts with "I Do."  Where it goes from there is the real question.  Is your marriage at "I Don't Know What To Do"?

Hey, it's Lee Baucom here.  I just got off the phone with a client.  First time to talk, so she was telling me about things.  Her husband, it seems, only has one answer to every question right now:  "I don't know."  Those are tough words to deal with.  No guidance, no ideas, no feedback.  Nothing to push toward (or even push against).  Just "I don't know."

Have you been there?  Are you there now?  That can feel like the very definition of "limbo."  Which is why this person was reaching out to me.  She wanted to know if there was anything she could do while her husband was in the throes of "don't know."

Maybe it's the leak over our kitchen that has me thinking about houses, but it seems to fit.  When a house has issues, there is certainly a time when you have to just tear it down.  A couple of streets over, some neighbors left town for 3 weeks.  Sometime during that trip, their washing machine hose broke -- on the top floor!  Over the next couple of weeks, water pretty much flooded every floor.  Everything was destroyed.  They returned to a waterlogged, rotting, molding home.  The house had to be completely replaced.  Pretty clear case of "time to take it apart."

Then there is a friend of mine.  His toilet sprung a leak and ruined the ceiling in the basement.  They caught it early, had to replace a seal for the leak and put up a replacement piece of drywall.  Funny thing:  that was it for him.  The house was on the market 3 weeks later.  He was done.  Over a fairly minor repair.  But for him, it was forever blemished.  He was ready to bail -- put the house for sale and look for something else.  All over a simple leak and simple repair.

My flooded-out neighbors?  They threw out everything inside and took the house to the walls.  But they completely rebuilt.  And it is a lovely house!

Sometimes, people will decide something is too far gone, when all it takes is a superficial repair.  Others are willing to work through the damage and restore the home.  And yes, that applies to marriage.

People often ask, "Is it just too late?  Is it too late to save my marriage?"  My answer is, "Absolutely, if you are ready to call it quits."  But, if you aren't ready to quit, there is only one way to find out if it can be saved: Make Love

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